Hitch price at: amazon
All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).
messitup.wav(263K) messitup.mp3(263K) messitup.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Alex 'Hitch' Hitchens: "So tonight, when you're wondering what to say, or how you look, or whether or not she likes you, just remember, she is already out with you. That means she said yes when she could have said no. That means she made a plan when she could have just blown you off. So that means it is no longer your job to try to make her like you. It is your job not to mess it up."
cynic.wav(149K) cynic.mp3(149K) cynic.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara (Eva Mendes): "Besides, relationships are for people that are just waiting for something to come along."
Max (Adam Arkin): "Ah, spoken like a true cynic."
Sara: "I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist."
Max: "You are a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist."
shortgame.wav(383K) shortgame.mp3(383K) shortgame.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Ben (Michael Rapaport): "You know what your problem is, Hitch? You're all about the short game. You pick your shots based on what you see first not what's, uh, necessarily best for you in the long run."
Hitch: "Well, all of us are not married to the woman of our dreams and about to have a baby. You know, I'm very happy for you. Just not meant for everybody. So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty, totally varied, experimental short game."
Ben: "I was jut talking about pool, but whatever."
Hitch: "Yeah, okay."
enjoytheride.wav(87K) enjoytheride.mp3(87K) enjoytheride.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "Casey, you're not sick. You're single. You just have to relax and enjoy the ride."
Casey (Julie Ann Emery): "I haven't been ridden in months."
soundslikefun.wav(146K) soundslikefun.mp3(146K) soundslikefun.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "I'm gonna go get those girls, I'm gonna bring 'em over here, we're gonna have a conversation like human beings. Then you're gonna go home, and I'm gonna take 'em back to my apartment."
Ben: "Well, that sounds like for me. But, you know, you might want to get in line, pal."
doinitrightnow.wav(70K) doinitrightnow.mp3(70K) doinitrightnow.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "But I love you. What did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did wrong."
Cressida's New Guy (???): "Dude, dude, you're doin' it right now."
hurtalot.wav(186K) hurtalot.mp3(186K) hurtalot.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Albert (Kevin James): "Definitely been hurt a lot. You know, I had a lot of bad experiences. Some good ones. But definitely a lot of bad ones. And, uh, yeah, I'm desperate, basically. I mean, not in general, you understand? You know, not just for anybody. But, man, for her... yeah. I-I... yeah-yeah."
howditgo.wav(64K) howditgo.mp3(64K) howditgo.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "How'd it go?"
Albert: "I yelled at her. I screamed at my boss! I quit my job!"
Hitch: "Y-- What?!"
getemtostop.wav(128K) getemtostop.mp3(128K) getemtostop.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Chip (David Wike): "I couldn't help but notice you look a lot like my next girlfriend."
Sara: "What's your name?"
Chip: "They call me Chip?"
Sara: "Aw, you can't get 'em to stop?"
Chip: "That was funny."
forehead.wav(376K) forehead.mp3(376K) forehead.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Now on the one hand, it's very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you. But on the other hand, should that be your problem?"
Sara: "So life's kind of hard all around."
Hitch: "Well, not if you pay attention. I mean, you're sending all the right signals: no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you're wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it. And if that wasn't clear enough, there's always the 'bleep off' that you have stamped on your forehead."
interested.wav(896K) interested.mp3(896K) interested.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Because whose gonna believe that there's a man out there that can sit down beside a woman he deosn't know and genuinely be interested in who she is, what she does, without his own agenda?"
Sara: "Yeah, I wouldn't even know what that would look like. So what would a guy lik that say?"
Hitch: "Well, he'd say, 'My name is Alex Hitchens and I'm a consultant.' But she wouldn't be interested in that 'cause she'd probably be counting the seconds until he left."
Sara: "Thinking he was like every other guy."
Sara: "Which, life experience has taught her, is a virtual certainty. But then he'd ask her name and what she did for a living and she might blow him off. Or she might say..."
Hitch: "I'm Sara Melas. I run the gossip column at the Standard. And then he'd ask all these penetrating questiens about it because he was sincerely if atypically, interested."
Sara: "He'd be interested. But he'h se that there was no way he could possibly make her realize that he was for real."
Sara: "Well, he could be funny and charming and refreshingly original."
Hitch: "Wouldn't help."
Sara: "Don't you hate it when that happens?"
Hitch: "Not really."
Sara: "They'd both probably go on to lead the lives they were headed toward. My guess is they'd do just fine. It's a pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas."
bangher.wav(464K) bangher.mp3(464K) bangher.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Vance (Jeffrey Donovan): "I don't know what it is about her. I just can't et her out of my mind. You know, food has lost it's taste. Colors, you know, they seem dull. Things that used to matter, I don't know, they just no longer do. I think things aren't gonna snap back unless I... unless I bang her."
Hitch: "Excuse me?"
Vance: "You know, bang her. Clear my head. Get in, get off, get out."
Hitch: "I think you may have misunderstood what I do exactly."
Vance: "No, I was told you help guys get in there."
Hitch: "Right. But, see, here's the thing. My clients actually like women."
ineedhelp.wav(153K) ineedhelp.mp3(153K) ineedhelp.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Uh, hit it, hit it and quit it is not my thing."
Vance: "Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi. I need professional."
Hitch: "Well, that is for damn certain. And, I'm glad you can admit it becaue generally that's the hardest part."
literally.wav(352K) literally.mp3(352K) literally.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Vance: "You see what I'm doin? This is what I'm about. Power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want."
Hitch: "Oh! so that's, like, a metaphore."
Vance: "Oh, yeah."
Hitch: "Right, well, see, I'm more of a literal king of guy. So when I do this... (slams his face to the table) ...this is more like me saing that I will literally break your bleep off if you ever touch me again. M'kay, pumpkin?"
Vance: "Got it."
callsagirl.wav(115K) callsagirl.mp3(225K) callsagirl.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "I hate it when a guy galls a girl who did not give him her number. SO this is me not calling. Over."
Sara: "Yes, you're right. This is much less invasive."
conversationisover.wav(686K) conversationisover.mp3(686K) conversationisover.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Listen, I've been thinking about that sign on your forehead. And I was wondering if you might mind takng it down for dinner Friday night. Over."
Sara: "Ooh, I can't. I have a couple parties I have to hit."
Hitch: "Gossip never sleeps."
Sara: "Not 'til about 4:00 a.m."
Sara: "I, um, I have a date."
Hitch: "Do you know the definition of perserverance, Miss Melas?"
Sara: "An excuse to be obnoxious?"
Hitch: "COntinuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure. Over."
Sara: "Okay, Webster, how do I get rid of you?"
Hitch: "Breakfast, Sunday. And you can barely even call that a date. You do that with out-of-town relatives that you don't even like. Over."
Sara: "Okay, I guess I could do Sunday."
Hitch: "You forgot to say 'over.' Over."
Sara: "This conversation's over as soon as ou tell me when and where."
Hitch: "7:00 a.m., NOrth Cove Marina. Over and out."
Sara: "7:00 a.m.? No, are you crazy? I-I don't do 7:00 a.m. Hello?"
Messenger (Trevor Oswalt): "Sign here, huh."
Messenger: "You said Sunday, right?"
Sara: "Yeah. (She get's a present) What if I would have said Friday?"
differently.wav(35K) differently.mp3(35K) differently.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "I saw that going differently in my mind."
taxi.wav(10K) taxi.mp3(10K) taxi.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
hetanked.wav(243K) hetanked.mp3(243K) hetanked.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "You said that I'm always expecting men to let me down, right?"
Sara: "Assuming they're gonna fail?"
Casey: "Which he did."
Sara: "Yeah, but he did it with flair. I mean, Case, he really tanked."
Casey: "And that's a desirable trait?"
Sara: "Yeah. Wierd, huh?"
iceberg.wav(256K) iceberg.mp3(256K) iceberg.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Tonight I want you to meditate on the image of an iceberg. Do you know why I want you to do that?"
Albert: "Because I'm cool?"
Albert: "I know, I'm not. I..."
Hitch: "Uh, I'm saying that you are an iceberg in that over 90% of your mass is below the surface."
Albert: "I know I'm heavy. I am."
Hitch: "No, uh, I'm talking about who you are. It's a metaphore."
notworried.wav(626K) notworried.mp3(626K) notworried.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Show me what you mean by you're not worried about it."
Albert: "Trust me. You know what I'm gonna do. That's what it's all about, right there. See how it gets bigger? NOw I'm gonna start the fire. But the feet are going. I start the fire, I make the pizza. Hips are always going. Can't get enough hip. From there, the Q-Tip. Q-Tip. Throw it away. That's not working, you hit her with this. Ooh, ooh!"
Hitch: "Don't ever do that again. Do you hear me?"
Albert: "Just expressing myself."
Hitch: "No. No. Mm-mm. Not like that you're not. Alright?"
donteverdothatagain.wav(54K) donteverdothatagain.mp3(54K) donteverdothatagain.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Don't ever do that again."
wouldntkissyou.wav(158K) wouldntkissyou.mp3(158K) wouldntkissyou.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Alright, come on, just show me what you got."
Albert: "What-What do you mean?"
Hitch: "Just show me how you would kiss me."
Albert: "Well, I wouldn't kis you."
Hitch: "I'm not me, I'm Allegra."
Albert: "But you're really not, so..."
howwasit.wav(367K) howwasit.mp3(367K) howwasit.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Albert: "What's up?"
Hitch: "I'm not feeling it."
Albert: "What a)do you mean? I came 90."
Hitch: "I'm just not feeling like you want it. Look, I'm Allegra Cole, the woman of your dreams. The woman whose green eyes are limpid pools of desire. Now, show me the magic, Albert. Show me the magic... (Albert leans in and kisses him) What the hell was that?!"
Albert: "I'm showing you the magic! I..."
Hitch: ""No, I said come 90% and then I come 10! You don't go the whole 100! My mouth was open, Albert. You overeager son of a blagh!"
Albert: "Other than that, how was it?"
psychiatrist.wav(108K) psychiatrist.mp3(108K) psychiatrist.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "So, Louise, are you in the newspaper business, also?"
Louise (Jenna Stern): "Uh, no, I'm a psychiatrist."
Hitch: "Well, uh, that's the last thing I'm gonna say tonight."
chargesomuch.wav(171K) chargesomuch.mp3(171K) chargesomuch.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Max: "So, uh, Sara tells me that, uh, you're a consultant, Hitch."
Hitch: "Yeah, uh, mostly marketing, a little advertising, brand management."
Max: "I have no idea what that means."
Hitch: "No one does. That's why I get to charge so much."
aisle2.wav(47K) aisle2.mp3(47K) aisle2.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "Where's the Benadryl?"
Duane Reade Clerk (Beau Sia): "Aisle 2."
Sara: "Which one's Aisle 2?"
Duane Reade Clerk: "The one with the big 2 over it."
thesleaze.wav(38K) thesleaze.mp3(38K) thesleaze.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "Sometimes it's really hard to see the forest through the sleaze."
guyscreaming.wav(76K) guyscreaming.mp3(76K) guyscreaming.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Albert: "Sweet Georgia Brown!"
Sara: "What was that?"
Hitch: "No, that's just, uh, some guy screaming."
callingmepapi.wav(99K) callingmepapi.mp3(99K) callingmepapi.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Raoul (Maulik Pancholy): "Papi, Sara Melas is here to see you."
Hitch: "Thanks a lot, Raoul. Send her up. And, uh, stop calling me papi."
prettygood.wav(64K) prettygood.mp3(64K) prettygood.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Newsguy (Remy Selma): "So, my friend, how was she? Pretty good, eh?"
thetruth.wav(65K) thetruth.mp3(65K) thetruth.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "My job is to try to find the truth."
Hitch: "The truth? You wouldn't know the truth if it ktcked you in the head."
haveabadge.wav(13K) haveabadge.mp3(13K) haveabadge.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Speed Dating Guy: "He doesn't have a badge."
distracting.wav(83K) distracting.mp3(83K) distracting.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "You wanna see me be spontaneous?"
Sara: "Sure, yoo wann a Bnadryl?"
Speed Dating Lady (???): "Hey, you know what? This is kind of distracting and I haven't gotten laid in a year! (Dead silence)."
fallinginlove.wav(233K) fallinginlove.mp3(233K) fallinginlove.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Sara: "I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting..."
Hitch: "Into getting out of their own way so reat guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance."
Speed Dating Host: "Please..."
Hitch: "No, no, no. I want-- I want everybody to take a look at this right now. Because this-- this right here-- this is exactly why falling in love is so bleepdamn hard!"
throwingmeoff.wav(540K) throwingmeoff.mp3(540K) throwingmeoff.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Uh, You almost hit me. Um, look, I just wanted to stop by, basically. Um, see, this is the thing. I, um, uh, whoof. It's wierd. I don't have me behind the door, you know. Close your mouth. Um, 'cause I knew at some point I'd be... you know, right--right here. You know, but I thought that, you know, we'd just ... (makes sqauking noise) ...it would just come out, but it's like... (makes tires screeching sound) It's throwing me off."
closethedoor.wav(817K) closethedoor.mp3(817K) closethedoor.m4r(iPhone ringtone)
Hitch: "Can we close the door?"
Hitch: "I'm sorry. Just, can we... I just... I need it..."
Sara: "Are you serious?"
Hitch: "No, just like this. Just..."
Sara: "What do you want, Hitch?"
Hitch: "You. For-- For a whore lot of reasons that don't make any sence to me. I-- I mean, what, we've been no three dates? But, see, that's what's crazy. That's what's crazy, because I know... I know deep, like just down, just in this area that I just know that I want... I want to be miserable. Like, really miserable. Because, hey, if that what it takes for me to be happy then... Wait, that didn't come out right. That... What the hell is wrong with you?!"
Hitch: "No, no, no, not you. I'm-- I'm talking to me."